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I Think I'll Blow My Brains Against The Ceiling [entries|friends|calendar]
Leah

[ website | My Website ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(2 Put A Gun |Straight To My Head)

[13 Mar 2005|10:31pm]
I dyed my hair again. I like it. It's sort of darker from what it was before, brown-er.

It looks like <--- his. Anyways, I have school tomorrow so i'm gonna go. Love you all <3

(Straight To My Head)

[13 Mar 2005|02:08pm]
Spring break is finally over. I've been really bored so i'm kinda glad i'm going back to school tomorrow, although I know there's going to be alot of drama.

<l3

(1 Put A Gun |Straight To My Head)

[10 Mar 2005|08:08pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I don't know how i've become so dependant of men when just about every man in my life has betrayed me in one way or another. I haven't been able to trust any of them. Not friends not family.

I've been molested by my uncle, father, and grandfather. I was raped. But still want somebody, who cares about me? Somebody who loves me (?) I guess. I don't know. I have no trust with men. They alway turn their and stab me in the back, friends, family.. why?

<3

Look what you've done...

(Straight To My Head)

[09 Mar 2005|08:22am]
I didn't sleep last night. I wasn't tired at all. I'm still not.

<3

Your hands on me
Pressing hard against your jeans
Your tongue in my mouth
Trying to keep the words from coming out
I want a lover I don't have to love

(1 Put A Gun |Straight To My Head)

[06 Mar 2005|06:09pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I've been taking sleep-aids for the past month. I think I have Insomnia. I couldn't fall asleep for days. People wondered why I was always drinking coffee, it was because I hadn't slept for a couple of weeks. Now that i've been taking pills and I've become somewhat addicted (?) No, reliant on them. I tried sleeping without them for the past two nights but I couldn't. Maybe I can't sleep because i've been somewhat depressed for months. I just need to learn to get over things, people even. I don't know, I don't know what's wrong with me.

(2 Put A Gun |Straight To My Head)

[26 Feb 2005|07:40pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I'm starting this off with a clean slate. I feel i've grown up alot more from when some of you have read this. My friends I know are certainly not going to be reading this -- not that they dont already know what has been going on in my life -- I just want to keep this separate.

Life has been hectic. With school, friends, family. It just feels like i've been going downhill.

I am a cutter, have been for the past couple years - I didnt seriously start till the beginning of this year. I've been trying to stop. I Honestly have... It's hard. I've also been anorexic/bulimic during that time also. That.. i'm not so much into wanting to stop. Unlike cutting.. I believe this is going to help me with my body image. I dont know. We'll see where that goes. I've gotten caught with both situations this year.. Not really by my family but by a teacher who had read my old blog on Xanga. I was threatened by the school nurse to eat or she would send me to rehab? Sounds fun doesnt it. I considered just telling her 'Fuck it, just send me' so I could get away from these people that I call my friends. None of them really are. I dont know why I ever thought that they were.. but anyways back on topic. I had to eat in front of her for around a month durring lunch. I was also watched closely by teacher - even when going to the bathroom. I'll tell you. It's not to fun having somebody outside of your stall listening if i'm purging. The nurse has stopped watching me, I somehow convinced her that I wasnt so she let me off the hook. She's pretty much forgotten about the cutting so i'm not going to bore you with that story.

Life just sucks for me right now. I'm just glad i'm 15 right now and i'm going to be getting out of school earlier. I cant stand these people anymore. I dont need them, and its not like i'm going to carry on a friendship with them throughout my life. So why bother?

<l3

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